Here's why your pink skies make me blue now

To be honest, this blog post has been on my drafts for more than a year already but it was still half-written. I could still recall the constant rollercoaster (and even Ferris wheel) ride of emotions I felt when I started writing this. Imagine writing this just a few days after that most despairing trip you've ever had! And even until now, I'm still ambivalent towards posting this or I'll just keep this on my drafts once again and pretend I didn't write this because I don't want to share something way too personal on this virtual diary. But I realized that this was also part of the unforgettable moments I had while I was busy chasing flights and blurring with the moments of music and meeting people. 

Now that I've already emancipated from that summer heartbreak, I'm ready to share this not-so-interesting-nor-romantic story. I think it's about time to finish and publish this. And so here it goes...

It was already late afternoon when the plane I was boarding had finally touched down Cebu but I could still feel the sun softly kissing through my skin as I got off from the plane. As I headed to the exit gate of the arrival area, I kind of witnessed a dramatic exhibition of strangers just like the ones we see in movies—from being lost to having unnecessary arguments to airports reunions—which never failed to put a smile on my weary face. I didn't even notice that it had been half an hour since I've been observing them.

   Thrift store fashion, imperfect tattoos 
   Taking showers, minus shampoo

It took me quite some time to get a cab. While waiting, I decided to put on my earphones and scanned through the playlists I made on Spotify. (I really have this huge thing for carefully curating playlists, depending on my mood in every moment.) This time, I tried to take a spin on my so-called travel playlist, put it on shuffle, and out of the blue, pink skies started to play. It was absolutely the first LANY song I've ever heard and loved. But I started to panic and asked myself like a perfect fool, "of all the tracks, why this one?" Waves of emotions came rolling in.

     You are my favorite everything
     Been telling girls that since I was 16
     Shut up, I love you
     You're my bestfriend

The driver finally arrived. Paul Jason effortlessly finished singing the first few lines and here came the pre-chorus part as I was slowly getting blurry flashbacks of a certain person. Actually, someone who used to be the center of my (parallel) universe. Someone I met virtually but it felt like we've already met in real life for some unexplainable connection. Someone I used to talk to even until the wee hours of the morning. Someone I really thought that could be the Nick O'Leary to my Norah Silverberg and sorta felt like we were musical soulmates because we shared almost the same favourite kind of music genre and bands. But in this digital age, is it really possible to fall in love with a person whom you've never met yet? I don't know. Probably?

     Get ya under pink skies,
     I know exactly where we should go

    'Cause I love the way your green eyes mix with that Malibu indigo

We passed by the iconic bridge and I gazed at the left window of the cab as I witnessed a spectacular view of the sky in pink and orange hues. Coincidentally, the chorus part was playing as another set of flashbacks of the same person came in. This time, it was getting clearer. I could still remember how he really loved the beach over the summits while I was the total opposite. The salt water and waves excite him more while ascending in the muddy trails gives me adrenaline rush and solace. So I kind of think that we were not on the same geographical map, but whenever I see that the sky is in beautiful colours on that horizon, I can't help but think of it as our tryst. It was like our secret rendezvous in my playful mind, at least. I guess that's how I fell in love with this song even more. And so were you. This could have been our unofficial soundtrack, perhaps? Lol. But honestly, this song always reminds me of no one but you.

     Talking under pink skies,
     I think our hearts are starting to show.
    That it's better, you and I, under pink skies.

Funny when I could also remember how we used to exchange messages. We had different work schedules: when my shift was about to end but you were still on your way to work. Our chat messages seemed like email messages since we both always got delayed replies. It also kinda felt like we were battling with the time zones though we were both just within the Philippines. Talking 'bout struggling young adults, eh? I must admit, I got annoyed with myself when I used to overthink your punctuation marks and how you used to make fun of how I frequently misspelled my words but we were definitely not Grammar Nazis. We were probably just two different people, trying too hard to translate their feelings in layman's terms. We agreed to meet (outside the cyberspace). And I felt like I was in nirvana when I realized that we'll be meeting at one of the world's best islands with the best sunset. Isn't it romantic?

     We can work it out
     You and I are meant to be together
     This is how it's supposed to feel
     I'm in love with how this feels

LANY was still playing but this time, it's getting louder in my head. "Ugh! There. These lines," I blurted out. These lines somehow reminded me of this tweet, which made me think of a kinda cheesy scenario. What if we'll going to attend their upcoming concert in Manila and candidly do what's written on this tweet: we'll make eye contact as we hold hands then start singing our heart out to the last two lines? Who knows? It could be the best concert experience we'd ever had. Oh, wishful thinking!

Here came its last chorus until the song slowly bid goodbye. Awkward silence. Fake smile. I glanced at the window once again and saw those cotton candy-colored skies were taken over by a starless dark evening sky little by little. "Okay. What a good metaphor on what happened to us." I sighed.

     "This is another story of a lonely boy and how he tried crossing oceans and ditched one of his favourite bands' concert just to see him. He couldn't contain his excitement at that time, to be honest. But due to unforeseen circumstances, they weren't able to meet. He's not even mad at him. He just wished they had the time..."  

— This could be a perfect synopsis for a novel that I'll never publish.

For the record, he's never an ex nor we were in a relationship. He was more like the one I never got that got away, in just a blink of an eye. An almost. I know it's been a year already but sometimes I still get bombarded with a few questions in my mind--- the infamous series of what-ifs that comes with a tiny bit of hope. What if we tried harder? What if I was patient enough to wait? What if you made time? or What if we decided and agreed not to meet in person and just remain online buddies for the rest of our lives instead?... But I kind of know I always get a "will everything stays the same?" at the end. In other words, I will never get the exact answers. Ever. 

Now you probably know why I overreacted when I heard this song again (after skipping it for quite some time already) or literally whenever I see those pink skies. It simply came with memories I wanted to forget, attached to that someone. 

After almost an hour on the road, I finally reached my destination. Home sweet home. It had been longest and most exhausting trip I had but surely it was worthwhile. Gosh! How I miss my comfy bed.

"And who would have thought that a simple 'hello' could just end with a painful 'thank you and goodbye'? I guess neither of us would." I shut my eyes, called it a day, and hoping that he won't appear in my dreams tonight.